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Hello. You’re reading The Daily Coma. Relax. Exhale, and readjust your seated position. Perhaps play some soothing music for background noise, or a clever podcast. Ask your mother to turn town the television. Yes, you can hear it with the door closed. No, you don’t care for Dr. Phil. No, you don’t think this makes you better than her.

Slam your door. Pace to and fro for a minute, then resume your reading.

Relax. Exhale. You’re reading The Daily Coma.

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